Personal and Relationship Standards
Someone wondered about each person within a relationship having and communicating non-negotiable personal standards that are, by mutual agreement, applicable in their relationship.
Of course, each person and each relationship is unique, thus personal and relationship standards will vary.
The idea of thinking through and formulating non-negotiatable personal standards only occurred to me around the age of forty, especially with respect to marriage and my children.
My first marriage had already ended in divorce after twenty years... We married young and were blessed with seven children yet we did not work through and agree upon those values and qualities we each needed to have a good relationship. We suffered as a couple and our children suffered from the harsh unkind words and from the lack of harmony and shared purpose in our home.
Could personal and relationship standards enable me to have good relationshps in the future? Would standards help me to become a better father to my children? What did I want in personal terms? What did I want in relationship? What did I want for my children?
A few years later I was blessed to meet and marry an extraordinary woman. Sabrina is kind, compassionate and loving. In addition, Sabrina's words are true, she is committed and always moves to the good, and further, she believes in the power of personal and relationship standards as a means to support the living of a happy life together. Early in our relationship and long before getting married we formulated, communicated and mutually agreed upon our standards.
Sabrina's Standards as Originally Stated:
1. No emotional, mental or physical abuse. This is, emotional, mental and physical support.
2. No sleeping around. That is, fidelity to each other.
3. No lying. That is, tell the truth.
4. No bigotry. That is, respect for people of other cultures.
My Standards:
Sabrina's standards were so excellent I adopted them, plus
No dumping (I don't dump on other people, and don't accept dumping from others)
No ragging and/or yelling (AKA nagging)
Love my children
Don't get fat (No longer applicable)
Results... Fifteen very happy and loving years of marriage, happy productive and loving lives for my (now grown) children, and more...
Of course, each person and each relationship is unique, thus personal and relationship standards will vary.
The idea of thinking through and formulating non-negotiatable personal standards only occurred to me around the age of forty, especially with respect to marriage and my children.
My first marriage had already ended in divorce after twenty years... We married young and were blessed with seven children yet we did not work through and agree upon those values and qualities we each needed to have a good relationship. We suffered as a couple and our children suffered from the harsh unkind words and from the lack of harmony and shared purpose in our home.
Could personal and relationship standards enable me to have good relationshps in the future? Would standards help me to become a better father to my children? What did I want in personal terms? What did I want in relationship? What did I want for my children?
A few years later I was blessed to meet and marry an extraordinary woman. Sabrina is kind, compassionate and loving. In addition, Sabrina's words are true, she is committed and always moves to the good, and further, she believes in the power of personal and relationship standards as a means to support the living of a happy life together. Early in our relationship and long before getting married we formulated, communicated and mutually agreed upon our standards.
Sabrina's Standards as Originally Stated:
1. No emotional, mental or physical abuse. This is, emotional, mental and physical support.
2. No sleeping around. That is, fidelity to each other.
3. No lying. That is, tell the truth.
4. No bigotry. That is, respect for people of other cultures.
My Standards:
Sabrina's standards were so excellent I adopted them, plus
No dumping (I don't dump on other people, and don't accept dumping from others)
No ragging and/or yelling (AKA nagging)
Love my children
Don't get fat (No longer applicable)
Results... Fifteen very happy and loving years of marriage, happy productive and loving lives for my (now grown) children, and more...
posted by Sheamus J. at 6:53 AM
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